So much

There is so much I want to talk about, but I feel that if I opened up, I would be here writing for the rest of the day. So I will try to keep it short. Charlie and I went through Gage's crib last weekend. It was so surreal to take all of his clothes, toys and blankets out and sort through them. We had three piles. Stuff we can share with the baby, stuff we wanted to put away in the cedar chest that were very special and then the last pile was the most precious stuff that I couldn't bear to put away forever. I put them in a special bag that has Gage's name on it that I put by the bed. This way, I can just reach in, look in, or smell anytime I want. I was so disappointed at one point because so many people had suggested to put some of the things that smell like Gage in Tupper.ware to lock the smell in. Well, it doesn't work. They all just smelled like plastic. Really the only thing left that truly smells like Gage is his diaper bag. It has the outfit that we wore to Vander.bilt that last horrid time. It smells like sick, but bless his heart, he smelled like that alot. And I know that it will soon lose it's smell being in the cedar chest. But we got through it and are able to re-use a lot more things than I thought we would. I am really glad we waited the whole year to go through this. We just weren't ready before. We would have put everything in the cedar chest!
So now, the crib is empty except for Gage's bedding. I asked Charlie if he wanted to take it out, and he said "it's not hurting anything in there." I think he just wasn't ready yet. I cannot wait to take out the sheet and hold it to my face. Gage slept on that sheet for a few nights. I love being close to things he touched. It helps me feel close to him.
A little over 6 weeks from now, we will have our new little man. I have to admit, I constantly worry about this new baby. Pregnancy is so different this time. It is no fun when you know too much. I treasure every kick, but get almost physically ill when I don't feel him for a while. I am so concerned with all the things that could go wrong in this final stage of pregnancy. The other two times I was in this stage, I thought I was in the "safety zone" and nothing could happen now. How I wish I was still in that world! I want this baby so bad, I cannot wait to hear him cry! I think I will be one of the few new parents who look forward to the crying, diaper changing, constantly feeding.....all that fun stuff! It will be so much easier doing those things at HOME, and not in a hospital.
Well, I wrote a lot and this is just the tip of the iceburg, much more to come soon! Thank you for still reading! Mary