Cheated

Gage's birthday is this week. He would be 2 on Wednesday. Two years old. No longer a baby, but a toddler. I am feeling so angry and jealous today over all the things he/we are missing out on. I am so mad that he died. We were so close to victory with his illness. What on earth happened between his clinic visit on friday morning with everything was "the best it had every been" to that very night when things rapidly declined and I ended up carrying his lifeless body into the hospital crying for help the very next morning. I will never forgive myself for not taking him earlier. It doesn't matter that medically it would not have made a difference, but my heart feels differently. We were cheated out of my son's life. And I don't like it one bit.