Seconds

Everyone said that the "firsts" would be the hardest. The first holidays, birthday, etc. without Gage. And they were right...mostly. I am done with all of the firsts. Now I move into the seconds. And they hurt just as bad but in a little bit different way. The first time you experience something without your child, you are thinking of all the things they/you are missing out on. You can think (in some cases) "this time last year...". But the second time you do these things, there is that same pain PLUS the added sting that...Wow...I've had to do this TWICE!?! I suddenly realized that this is the second Thanksgiving without Gage...I am THAT much further away from when I had him with me. And next year will be further and the year after that will be even further and eventually the rest of my life will have gone by...without Gage. He would be two years old for this Thanksgiving. He would be eating everything with us and running around playing with Emily and his cousin. But he's not here. Time will keep moving forward without him. I think that is one of the cruelest things about it all. Time keeps going. I can dig in my heels all I want to keep it still, but it just moves forward...and drags me with it.

Happy Thanksgiving Gage...Mommy loves you